I’ve been sitting here staring at my computer for the last 45 minutes waiting for some strike of genius. I’m drinking a vanilla frappe at the downtown coffee shop, quietly singing to a Phil Collins’ song playing on the speaker system above, and watching locals stop in for their afternoon coffee or cold Italian soda.
I scan my Facebook feed for inspiration but only come up with pictures of friends’ kids at the park or first day of preschool photos. I switch to my Yahoo app but that’s just full of celebrity gossip and “news” that’s anything but news.
I’m becoming increasing frustrated as my blended coffee drink is dwindling, just like the minutes remaining until I have to relieve the babysitter.
Think Jessica! Think. There has to be something remarkably wise to impart, something funny the kids said, an infuriating encounter with a small-minded stranger…
I got nothin’.
So this is writer’s block huh? That term seems even a bit too generous for what this feels like. This is more like writer’s abyss.
I have passing thoughts, intermittent with song lyrics from the radio… which station is this? I need it on my iPhone and programmed in my minivan. Oh, that reminds me, the van needs to be vacuumed, which reminds me I need a new bag for the house vacuum, and that rug in the family room smells like urine.
Are you imagining a weary hamster running circles on a spinning wheel? Yep, that’s me. Except all the spinning isn’t resulting in weight loss and I still don’t have a blog topic. Lately it’s like my brain can’t slow down long enough for me to construct an intelligent thought, let alone write one. I have a running stream of consciousness that keeps me tied up in an internal conversation.
If you suffer from this internal dialogue you know how exhausting it can be.
It must be why I’m waking up at midnight, after four hours, crashed in a terribly uncomfortable position on the couch.
Maybe what I need is some time here at the coffee shop in the comfy chairs. Forget the table. I need that pleather arm chair across the way, a soft place to curl up and enjoy this awesome radio station with a skinny vanilla latte.
Yeah, who needs inspiration when just a good dose of staring at the wall would be so nice?
If you were looking for your inspiration from this momaha blogger today, I hate to let you down.
But in the off-chance your hamster wheel is rusty and squeaky too, consider this encouragement to find your own local wall for staring.
Jessica Brashear is married with two children.
Read her blogs every Monday on momaha.
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