The Sassy Housewife is a weekly Saturday advice column on momaha.com by Danielle Herzog, a married mother of two. She’ll cover adventures in housewifery — parenting, entertaining and the interests of a been-there-done-that and somewhat-know-it-all wife.
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Dear Sassy Housewife,
I’ve been married for about three years and we have one daughter who is about to be one. I have only had a few sexual partners before my husband but with all of them, I have never been able to have an orgasm. I actually don’t think I have ever had an orgasm at all. What’s wrong with me? I have been faking it for years, and now I want to know what I’m missing. What should I do?
Missing The Big O
Well, there are fireworks… and you feel like you want to run a marathon while singing, “Rock Me Like a Hurricane”.
OK, not really, but I couldn’t resist.
Girl, you need to get yourself an orgasm.
Stop faking it every time. It’s time to get yourself a road map of your body and figure out which stops you want to explore more.
Before seeking help from a doctor or sex specialist, have you tried figuring out what turns you on? As a mother to two young children, watching my husband vacuum and cook is really what does it for me. But seriously, it sounds to me that you haven’t figured that out yet. Spend some quality time by yourself to explore what parts of you bring you pleasure.
The next step is to communicate those new found parts to your husband. There is nothing wrong with telling him that you’d like to try some new things together. He needs to know that it isn’t his fault that you haven’t had an orgasm. You need to look at what you are thinking during sex – are you distracted? Are you constantly thinking about having an orgasm?
I recommend taking a break from sex for a week or two and spending time together exploring your body. What makes you giggle when he touches, what turns you off. Perhaps every night choose a different area to explore.
In the end, be open and honest. If after all that, still nothing ignites those fireworks, talk to a specialist – together. Keep your husband involved in the process so he doesn’t feel like it’s him.
You’ll get there – you just have to find the right map to follow.
Have a question for the Sassy Housewife? Email firstname.lastname@example.org.
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