The Today Show did a piece on Slate.com’s article entitled, “This is the last time I will ever see you.” A picture of David Plotz, the author’s, 1997 wedding party accompanied the article.
The article discussed the longevity – or lack thereof – of some of the closest friendships of your adult life, and how common it is for those relationships to disintegrate immediately after the big event.
According to the Today Show poll, 48 percent of respondents said they were friends with fewer than half of their wedding attendants. Forty-four percent said they were friends with more than half of their attendants. Twenty-two percent reported that they were friends with all of their wedding party.
The author explains that often times, distance plays a role in those important relationships becoming obsolete. Other times, the faded friendship is due to the fact that your spouse never really liked that friend to begin with.
He also explains that there are some very poignant relationships that have already begun to fade by the time the wedding rolls around. However, that person had been with you through some terrible times or some serious adventures, and how could you not ask them to stand up with you on the monumental occasion? Yet, they are dear friends, whose presence in your life seems to disappear the very next day.
It got me thinking about my own wedding party (well, actually there were two) and how many of them I’m still close to.
I got married for the first time in 1999. I had a terrible time choosing a very small wedding party from my group of good friends. I finally settled on four girls that I had known most of my life. I also had a few close, but more recent, friends act as personal attendants or scripture readers in the ceremony.
In 2004, I remarried in a tiny ceremony on the beach in Maui. Our wedding was six weeks in the planning, and two couples that could join us on a spur-of-the-moment trip across the Pacific helped us celebrate.
To this day, I feel so fortunate to say that I am among the 22 percent that can report being friends with all of my wedding party friends.
Do I talk to every one of them, every day? No. But many of them live here in Omaha. I have dinner at least once a month with two of them. My two “besties” from high school live out of state, but we visit each other every couple of years. We also talk on the phone and keep up regularly on Facebook.
The two couples that joined us in Maui are also still dear friends. We don’t get to see each other often, and one couple has children and busy schedules of their own. But, we also keep up via Facebook and both couples have been to visit us here in Omaha since we’ve had children.
I know it’s not always easy to maintain those relationships, and sometimes you just have to put your limited time and efforts into friendships that align with your most current personal situation.
Plotz says it’s OK that all of those close, personal relationships don’t survive. While wedding website, The Knot, says you shouldn’t invite the friends you won’t be friends with for life, but how do you always know?
Plotz eloquently puts it this way: “What better way to end a friendship than with joy? What better than to have your final memory of each other be of your best, happiest wedding selves?”
Amy Grace is married and a mom to two children. You can read her every Friday on momaha.
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