The Sassy Housewife is weekly advice column on Momaha.com by Danielle Herzog. She’ll cover the adventures in housewifery — from parenting, entertaining and recipes to the interests of a been-there-done-that and somewhat-know-it-all wife. Sassy Housewife runs every Saturday. Have a question for her? Email firstname.lastname@example.org
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Dear Sassy Housewife,
This is completely and utterly embarrassing to admit but I don’t know where else to turn. I’ve read your advice to other people and think you have hit the nail on the head many times. I’m hoping you can help me too. Here it goes. I don’t think I’m good at sex. I have only been with three partners in my life and I feel like I’m boring and don’t know how to have great sex. My husband says that I’m good enough but I want to be more than enough. Know what I mean? I’m a mom of teenagers who probably know more about sex than I do. Any suggestions?
One Plain Jane
Unless you are reciting mathematical algorithms while naming elements from the periodic table during sex, you are not boring. Actually, you could probably name all the elements twice during intercourse and men would still feel excited just to be having sex at all. They are beautiful, simple creatures in that way. However, the problem isn’t your husband, it’s you.
Girl, you need a boost of confidence. You need to enjoy sex. But, I’m guessing you don’t know how. So here’s some advice that is going to sound weird. Close your eyes and imagine a celebrity that you find attractive. Now imagine having sex with him. What are you two doing? Do you do those things with your husband? You might giggle and say that there’s no way you could ask your husband to do those things. But here’s the great part – you can, you really can. If you can’t say the words, write them. Let yourself get excited about sex. Be a hormonal teenager again and start thinking about it and talking about it. Text, email, do all the things that get politicians in trouble – just do them with your husband and not some young intern who will forever be mocked on Saturday Night Live.
After sending those inappropriate texts that excite you, put all those thoughts and ideas into effect. How? At the moment you start feeling boring during sex, change positions. If you always wear the same thing to bed, try some lingerie, but something that you wouldn’t normally pick out. Say to yourself, “I’m going to blow his mind tonight.” I always loved the fact that Beyonce gives her stage persona a name – she calls herself “Sasha Fierce”. Perhaps you need a persona? I like to think of myself as Momma Mojo.
And there’s one more detail to discuss here. If HE is being boring – tell him what you want. There is nothing that turns a man on more than whispering what you like and want in his ear. Heck, what woman doesn’t like that either.
Now, go find your sexy. Just make sure you delete those text messages…nothing scars a kid more than realizing his parents are still having sex. Well nothing except walking in on them doing it. So make sure you lock the door before you turn into your own Sasha Fierce tonight…for your children’s sake.
Danielle Herzog, a married mother to two, blogs for momaha every Wednesday. She taught middle and high school students and served as a student counseling advisor in the Washington D.C. area prior to moving to Omaha. She was a project manager for the Washington D.C.-area’s Boys and Girls Club and is currently completing her master’s degree in counseling at the University of Nebraska at Omaha.
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