There is nothing more awesome in the world than the sound of your child laughing so hard you think they might snort up the milk from their last meal. I love to wrestle on the ground with my two kids and tickle them endlessly. I also love going on adventures, doing crafts, and a world of things we play together. However, there are times when I try to hide and hope they don’t find me for a few minutes. When, you ask? Whenever they ask me to do any of the following:
1. Play Barbies. Oh, my word, there are only so many times I can make Barbie and Ken get married. I’m starting to think that maybe I’ll recreate a scene from “The Bachelor” and let all the Barbies we own vie for Ken’s attention. I have my money on Princess Ariel. She’s led a double life, she’s tough.
2. Do puzzles. Now before you go saying how educational and necessary puzzles are for children, let me explain. I don’t hate them because they are boring or because I don’t find them important. I hate them because I literally can’t do them. There is a part of my brain missing that contains the ability to see how puzzle pieces fit together. I’m not even joking. I struggle with the 25 piece Dora puzzle on a daily basis.
3. Feeding them. How can such little stomachs take in some much food? It’s a scientific miracle, I tell you. I don’t think there is an hour that goes by in our house where food is not discussed, eaten or being cleaned up. It is also amazing that such little human beings can successfully fill an entire floor below the table with crumbs. How can someone miss their mouth that many times?
4. Going to the bathroom. No, not them – ME. I try to sneak upstairs to use the bathroom, but somehow their “urine radar” goes off and they realize that Mom is located in a confined area. They then proceed to either bang on the door, sit outside it while talking incessantly, or desperately try to squeeze random objects under the door in an attempt to play with me. I have fantasies of renting a hotel room by myself just to go the bathroom.
5. Anything that involves watching “Jake and The Neverland Pirates”. Let me give you a tip, Jake. Captain Hook will always take whatever you have. He’s never going to be your friend so you might as well stop acting surprised and yelling, “Yo, Ho, Ho” every time he takes off with your loot. Fool me once, shame on you, Fool me twice… You get where I’m going Jake?
So there you have it. I’m admitting my imperfections as a parent, and guessing I’m not alone here. However, I can say, that if I can get my kids to do that awesome cackling laugh, I’ll usually suffer through any of the above activities. It’s worth it then.
Danielle Herzog is married and a mother to two children. Read her every Wednesday on momaha.
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