The Sassy Housewife is weekly advice column on Momaha.com by Danielle Herzog. She’ll cover the adventures in housewifery — from parenting, entertaining and recipes to the interests of a been-there-done-that and somewhat-know-it-all wife. Sassy Housewife runs every Saturday. Have a question for her? Email momaha@owh.com
Dear Sassy Housewife,
I’m a stay-at-home mother to three amazing children who are ages 7, 4 and 2. My husband and I have been married 10 years, and I love him very much. However, I’m losing my mind. He still has the libido of a 20 year old, yet I have one of an 80 year old. Don’t get me wrong, I still find him attractive but I’m so exhausted at the end of the night I can’t seem to switch gears and feel sexy. How can I get myself more into the saucy woman mood rather than the spit-up covered mom mode?
Signed,
Sexy-less Sally
Dear Sal,
I can’t seem to figure out why you are so tired at the end of the night. Oh, wait, that’s right, because you are a mom to three kids who probably want to be fed, cleaned, dressed, loved, played with, taken places, and then have that process repeated at least three to five times a day. Then, after you spend two hours putting them to bed and finally have one hour to yourself, you have to figure out a way to get all Beyonce’d up and feel remotely attractive while dreaming of watching “The Bachelor”. Besides the fact that sex takes actual physical movement – something I’m lacking the ability to do at the end of a long day. I feel ya, girl.
I’m going to be honest with you. You need to schedule it.
No, I’m not talking about you and your husband only having it on Wednesdays. I’m talking about you mentally telling yourself when you wake up, “I’m having sex tonight and I’m going to rock the casbah.” OK, if you aren’t up for rocking the casbah, at least put on matching underwear and bra and shave your legs. That’s always an incentive for me.
Ladies need to do things to get into the mood. Men — not so much. If that means that the hubby has to put the kids to bed so you have some prep time, so be it. Maybe it is taking a long, hot shower where you can sit afterwards in a fluffy bathrobe and drink a glass of wine while reading People magazine. Or maybe it is figuring out when you are most frisky and capturing that time. Most women seem to like mornings and afternoons – would he be available to come home for nap time? Whatever it is for you, do it.
Women need some transitional time when going from mom to wife, which can be challenging when men can get naked the second their children’s door closes. It’s OK to give yourself that time. Trust me, if you promise nudity at the end, your man will wait for you. If you promise nudity and a beer at the end, then you might get that guy to actually clean the house while he waits.
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Danielle Herzog, a married mother to two, blogs for momaha every Wednesday. She taught middle and high school students and served as a student counseling advisor in the Washington D.C. area prior to moving to Omaha. She was a project manager for the Washington D.C.-area’s Boys and Girls Club and is currently completing her master’s degree in counseling at the University of Nebraska at Omaha.
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