I’m going to go ahead and say that my editor put me on assignment to watch and provide a review of the movie, “Magic Mike”, featuring Channing Tatum, Matthew McConaughey, and Joe Manganiello among other beefcake… So that the momaha community of readers would know whether or not it’s worth their money and time.
Yeah, that almost sounds legit.
Sometimes hardcore journalists bloggers must accept jobs without question. We know that, no matter how tall the task, we owe it to our readership to report on cult-like phenomena. Well, ladies, I took the bullet last Sunday for you and saw what all the fuss was about.
Pre-show giddiness set in about 10 minutes before the lights were lowered.
I saw approximately 10 men sulking next to their wives and girlfriends in the hope that their good deeds would be repaid in full. The rest of the theater was jam packed with ladies of all ages. I was not the youngest, nor was I the oldest. Within the first few minutes of the film, Channing Tatum bore his backside and we all instantly transformed into either squealers or gigglers.
Much like my reaction to meeting touching Chris Daughtry earlier this summer when he performed on tour at the Orpheum Theater, I may have blacked out a little from that point in the movie until the credits rolled at the end.
However, as I came in and out of consciousness, I do recall thinking these thoughts and feeling these emotions:
- For those who don’t know who Joe Manganiello is, he’s the bulky beast of a werewolf Alcide on the HBO’s True Blood. If you’ve never seen True Blood, it can be summed up as vampire porn. I know that seems vulgar, but it’s the best way I’ve ever heard anyone describe it. Well, ol’ Joe shows more than the other actors. I originally thought about going into greater detail on what region he reveals, but then I remembered I have grandparents who regularly read my column so I will just leave it at that.
- Channing Tatum is Magic Mike. He’s got moves. Apparently, he has real-life experience in the dancing-for-female-enjoyment industry. And you can tell. How do I adequately describe this? If you could compare his talent to, say, a hairdresser’s talent, he would not be working at Great Clips. He would be the hair designer in an upper-end salon that every woman wants to have touch her… head.
- The new hot talent featured in this film is an actor by the name of Alex Pettyfer. I thought he was cute, but honestly felt no attraction towards his character. After further research, I now know why. He was BORN in 1990.
- Matthew McConaughey is dangerous and dirty in this movie. His abs have matured well over time.
- Leading lady Cody Horn looks EXACTLY like I do in a bikini…if you squint a whole lot.
- I legitimately started feeling bad for a fake stripper with a fake drug problem.
- Fortunately, the plot twisted just in time and complete and utter satisfaction was achieved.
This movie is fantasy on the big screen. I would not recommend taking your boyfriend or husband with you. This one is just for the ladies. Motherly disclaimer: Only appropriate for mature audiences (and me).
Heidi Woodard is married with three children. Read her Thursdays on momaha.com
