I’ve officially entered the third trimester of my pregnancy. I’m swollen, my tummy is big and I still have 10 more weeks to go.

Hormones and heat do not play nicely together, so it could be that I’m more sensitive to comments lately. Or it could be that people say the same things to me over and over again. In all fairness, what do you say to a pregnant woman on a 98-degree day?

What I know for sure is what you will never hear pregnant women saying.

THINGS LIKE…

Crank up the heat!

I have so much patience these days. 

Hearing your nightmare labor story is very helpful.

I consider stretch marks to be badges of love.

I feel light as a feather.

No, I’m not carrying twins, but that is so funny that you think that!

Isn’t a miracle that I get to welcome a human into this world…through my vagina?

Dessert? I’ll pass.

I’ll also pass on a foot/back/shoulder/full-body massage.

I think I’ll take your advice over that of my doctor’s.

I’m sleeping like a baby.

Let’s take the stairs.

I do look like I’m ready to pop, don’t I? But, I don’t feel like it.

I’m sorry, it’s not your fault. I’m just being hormonal.

I love when strangers rub my belly!

I would love to be your designated driver – call me anytime of the night.

Finding clothes that fit is a breeze. I love trying on maternity swimsuits.

I don’t need a nap.

You think it’s wrong that I’m drinking caffeine? Ok, I’ll stop.

I think my swollen ankles and feet are adorable.

My skin has never been clearer.

I love shoes with laces. I actually love shoes period.

Melissa Cruickshank is married with one daughter. She works full-time. Read her here on momaha.com

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Chime in! Is there an annoying saying Melissa didn’t include on her list?