“I have eggs and two servings of hashbrowns,” I announced to the cafeteria cashier at work. “Because it’s that kind of a day.”
She looked at me over her glasses and down at my plate. It was clearly a much different order than my normal oatmeal breakfast.
“Well, then, you better get a chocolate milk,” she said as she automatically included the milk in my total. “You love chocolate milk.”
It was all I could do to manage a nod, find the right cash and a bathroom before the tears overflowed.
She had no idea what “that kind of a day” meant. She had no idea what I was going through. It didn’t matter. What she said to me that day was the perfect dose of kindness and sympathy. I do love chocolate milk.
She didn’t question me. She didn’t intrude. She didn’t judge what I was going through against what she was dealing with.
A few days later, I was chatting with a friend. A friend who had just gone through her third chemo treatment. She asked me how I was doing.
“Let’s not talk about that. You need to focus on you and your health,” I said.
“Listen,” she said, very seriously. “Nothing I am going through is more important than what anyone else is going through.”
Cue more tears (why, why all the tears lately?). I wrote down those words and have carried them with me, thinking about them over and over.
How am I treating people? Am I following the golden rule and being kind to people who may need it like I did that one morning? Do I pause my email, phone call or conversation to listen to the cues a friend is sending me? Am I nice to a stranger, giving them the benefit of the doubt?
The person you just sent the mean-spirited email to and copied her boss could be dealing with a loss of a loved one. She has shown up to work the past couple days with the sole goal of making it through the day without crying, and your email just sent her over the edge.
The person you wrote off as shy and snobby is going through breast cancer treatments. She didn’t say hi to you in the elevator because at that very moment, she was wondering why her family wouldn’t support her in her treatment plan. She is scared that in two days, she will have to attend her next treatment completely alone.
And the girl who you have made it your mission to not receive a promotion has finally decided to meet with a lawyer and file for divorce. She secretly looks up to you and the life you lead.
I am taking a long, hard look into the mirror and examining how I treat people. It’s OK to be having a bad day (or month) and feel sorry for yourself. But it’s also OK to acknowledge during that time that other people are suffering worse than you. Even if it’s just for a minute before going back to your pity party.
You have probably heard by now that several of the bloggers are really loving The Brave Girls Club. They are in no way affiliated with momaha.com except we love them. Their daily messages seem to arrive at the exact time you need them and this one was no exception. I have saved this as a daily reminder for myself:
“Please do not EVER think that you are the only one who has hard days, rotten days, weak days and even days when you feel like you have messed up everything, gone backwards or that all is lost…these feelings will pass…the clouds will blow over, the sunshine will come again and you will have learned a few new lessons along the way. BEING BRAVE does not mean that you do not sometimes feel scared, weak and lost…it just means you keep going anyway…and that is what you do best. You can do this, friend…you really can. Keep going…don’t stop now! You are so loved!”
Melissa Cruickshank is married with a daughter. She works full-time.
