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TwitterThe other night, as I sat at the kitchen table with my head in my hands and an ache in my stomach, I realized I had entered into a very long tour of duty. Years ago, I thought these would be bonding moments — fun, even. Now, I know that I was delusional.
Homework is war.
When my 7 year-old started preschool a few years back, she asked if she could have homework. Her teachers and I laughed. “How cute,” we all thought.
My daughter’s eager request continued well into first grade. Her seemingly delightful attitude toward something I thought all kids dreaded only served as an amplifier to my delusional picture of a peaceful and productive evening filled with homework.
Enter second grade.
A week into the new school year, I went to curriculum night (for those of you without kids in school, this is when parents go to the classroom for an evening to learn what the little boogers do all day.) I learned my daughter would have homework four nights a week. Her wish had finally come true. No longer would she have to carry a backpack home with nothing more than a few rocks from recess and her leaking lunch box. This year, that backpack would finally meet its rightful destiny: transporting countless worksheets of new knowledge to and from school.
I was prepared for this. I trained for it.
I made sure there was a clean spot at the kitchen table and set a rule that there was no television or playing until homework was done. That’s what good moms do. I filled a jar with sharpened pencils and a pencil sharpener. I bought a notebook to practice spelling words and flashcards to practice math.
I was reasonably certain I could help my 7-year old with anything she brought home. I pushed aside the taunting fears of calculus homework looming in the upcoming years. I can handle simple math, reading comprehension, spelling lists. I did have to remind myself what a predicate was, but I didn’t let Adley know that past elementary school, no one would ever ask her to underline the predicate of a sentence again. No one cares what a predicate is.
I was all set.
The first few nights went well. We were accustomed to spelling lists, and Adley knew the drill. For a couple of years, I have been helping her come up with systems to spell difficult words (to spell “together”, we have TO GET HER.)
I smiled in a victorious glow. This homework stuff was cake. All my training had paid off.
The first night she brought home math homework, I was excited for something a little more challenging. My excitement quickly drained when I couldn’t figure out how they were teaching math. Back in my day, we solved addition and subtraction problems vertically. These worksheets had the problems lined up horizontally.
I didn’t panic. A good soldier has to be ready for the unexpected. I rolled over the whines and shot down the excuses. Ultimately, I got through that battle – even if it did leave me a little weary.
The next worksheet was a practice timed test. Second-graders have to answer 23 of 25 problems correctly in just two minutes. To answer each equation in 4 seconds, Adley must memorize her math facts. By the end of second grade, she must pass 12 of these timed tests.
This is hard core – no place for wussies. When you’re sitting at your desk and the teacher says “GO!” there won’t be any mercy for those crying for Mommy!
I had to push away the part of me that wanted to bark orders like a drill sergeant. The part of me that wanted to toughen her up had to be put aside. I had to win this battle by making friends with the enemy.
I kept my anxiety hidden. Adley didn’t.
She sat at the kitchen table wringing her hands as she took short shallow breaths. I reassured her that this was just practice.
“I’m afraid to make a mistake,” she cried.
“Everyone makes mistakes; that’s why there’s an eraser at the end of each pencil,” I told her.
“If you spell ‘eraser’ with a c, you’ll need one because it’s spelled with an s,” Adley recited one of the spelling lessons I had taught her.
My little soldier eventually found a bit of courage – at least enough to try.
She took the practice test and shaved a few seconds off her best time, but it was still almost a minute and three correct answers from passing. We agreed that we would do a practice test each night. Some nights, she does better, and some nights we must abort the mission to save ourselves.
So as I sit here with my head in my hands at a kitchen table strewn with sheets of math, I still hope that homework will be peaceful one day. Just like I hope there will be peace in the Middle East. In the meantime, I’ll be grateful I only have one kiddo to fight with about homework. That is until Baby Donovan brings home his first backpack full.
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Posted by: Mara on 09/06/2010 @ 2:31 pm:
Cat – this brings back memories of the days when I actually could understand the homework. I too was a bit frustrted when I found out that math wasn’t taught quite the same. I never did quite understand the “new math” and gave up trying because the old way worked just fine for me. Getting the kids to have good study habits early on is key and the kitchen table is a great place – you can keep an eye on things and yet give them space. I’m guessing that what may be hard some day is when she has to write her first essay and she asks you to read it. At least it has been a challenge for me – to keep my pencil to myself! Good Luck!
Posted by: Lisa Andrews on 09/06/2010 @ 2:33 pm:
One reason I love summer is because I hate homework! Summer is my reprieve from homework. Fortunately for my children and me my husband will step in when I am at my whit’s end and take over when the going gets tough. I have to admit I can’t do 6th grade math without a little help myself!
Posted by: Maddie's Mom on 09/06/2010 @ 2:43 pm:
“Timed math tests” almost killed us in 2nd grade! We were able to master the “math facts”. The tougher challenge was letting go of “writing neatly” and “erasing thoroughly”. Until she learned to “X through” an incorrect answer …timed math tests were an ongoing source of frustration for us. I was sure Maddie would hate math for the rest of her life.
Not to fear. With math facts safely tucked in her memory…3rd grade math was enjoyable. By middle school…she was even moved up to “honors” math classes. There are no permanent scars. We both, however, still remember our tearful nights together doing homework at the kitchen table.
Posted by: Cat Koehler on 09/07/2010 @ 8:51 pm:
It’s good to know there’s still hope!!
Posted by: Heidi W on 09/06/2010 @ 8:50 pm:
I am embarrassed to admit this, but I secretly loved diagramming sentences
Posted by: Anne on 09/08/2010 @ 4:19 pm:
ME Too!! I used to stay in at recess in 8th grade so we could diagram sentences on the board!
Posted by: Melissa on 09/06/2010 @ 11:18 pm:
I peed a little at the underlined predicate. Aren’t you just exhausted at the end of
the day? And then you have to teach? This stuff makes me want to stop with one kid.
Posted by: carolee on 09/07/2010 @ 2:41 pm:
Brings back memories of the dreaded homework nights. My mother took the liberal path; sink or swim on your own, and never helped with homework. My aunt was of the conservative persuasion and made sure my cousin’s homework was done, even if she had to do it herself. We ended up somewhere in the middle with our daughter. We would help only if she asked for help. Meanwhile I admired her concentration as she accomplished her homework sprawled out on the floor, often in front of the TV. And when she needed help with calculus and physics she always sought out Dad; and for writing and English she asked me. She had ascertained whose strengths to employ, and that showed clear thinking on her part.
Posted by: Cat Koehler on 09/07/2010 @ 8:53 pm:
No one ever sat down with me to do homeowrk – or even really made sure it was done. I think that by doing this now – sitting with her – I’m helping create a habit for the rest of her student life. It’s just a big pain (but one I’m sure I will miss when I look at an empty kitchen table 18years from now!)
Posted by: Lisa M on 09/07/2010 @ 2:54 pm:
With five kids, you can imagine that I have little time for homework. But it keeps coming. I don’t think we would survive without the after school program. The aides there help the kids with homework for a half hour before the kids can go play, which is usually enough time for them to finish their math and sometimes their reading. We still have to practice spelling, look over assignments, sign agendas, etc., but thank goodness for a little help. It is a wonderful program and worth every penny we pay for it!
Posted by: jodi on 09/07/2010 @ 8:27 pm:
It drives me NUTS that second graders have homework four nights a week. One or two nights, fine, but four is a bit much. Granted M brings some of it on her self (she talks too much… imagine!), but I also have a sophomore with a learning disability who I have to help with reading assignments. It is easily 9:30 before we are done with homework each night, and that’s when we start at 7 – because I insist on dinner and “wind down” time before we study.
Posted by: Judy Daniell on 09/09/2010 @ 4:26 am:
Timed-tests still give me a pit in my stomach. I had so much anxiety over them as a child. I am not going to do well when it starts at my house.