We realize we aren’t the first moms to complain about the goody bag phenomenon. I am sure we are not alone when we declare that, back in the good old days, WE did not force our moms to give away pricey plastic bags of crap to every child who attended our birthday parties. We were happy with the homemade cake, the hanging metallic Happy Birthday letters and our Caboodles. And our friends walked away from our parties with something far more sacred: the friendship pin.
As you are deciding whether or not it is worth your time to check back and see what we have to say every week, we thought it would only be fitting to give you a sneak peek of what IS versus what IS NOT in our goody bags. We realize you don’t have a lot of time to spend online. So we don’t want to waste it by giving you mini erasers and hard gummy worms. On the contrary, we want you to walk away satisfied. So here is what we each have to offer you, our party-goers…
What IS in Heidi’s Goody Bag:
-Hilarity
-Stories about my kids (who you will both learn to adore and be thankful that they are not yours)
-Comfort for anyone who shares a phobia of repetitive patterns
-Fun-filled trash-talking geared at the “westies” (anyone who routinely travels on the West Dodge Road Expressway)
What IS NOT in Heidi’s Goody Bag:
-Recipes (Betty Crocker would roll over in her grave if she saw what Heidi is capable of screwing up)
-Fashion advice
-Home décor tips
-Restaurant reviews (unless there is a drive-through attached)
What IS in Melissa’s Goody Bag:
-Guaranteed good laughs
-Sarcasm and lots of it
-Opinions and lots of them
-Brutal honesty for the benefit of first-time moms (Melissa spells out the stuff no one spelled out for her)
What IS NOT in Melissa’s Goody Bag:
-Workout testimonials
-Baby earrings (fiercely against that kind of torture)
-Pom poms (Melissa gave up cheering long ago, but Heidi won’t let her forget about those spirit fingers)
-Phony smiles and pageant waves
And, as any smart mom would, we want to learn what’s in your goody bags. After all, we may steal your ideas to impress the heck out of our own kids!
Melissa Cruickshank and Heidi Woodard work together at a health insurance company. They are each married with children. They blog Thursdays
